Something More, Something Less, Something Perfect
by icybassclar
Summary: Lee is explored in the last chapter... SHIKAxINO fic. No flames, constructive criticism only! Thanks! EDIT: I'm NOT back, it seems. Stuff happens and I can't do much about not having time to write. Ahh, life. You never cease to disappoint.
1. The invitation and More

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SHIKA x INO OR NARUTO 

First romance fic. No flames.

Shikamaru was in his bed sleeping when a letter bomb landed on his nose. He opened his eyes and realized that it was about to blow. He rapidly got up and threw it out the window, where it blew up on top of Choji's head. That made him pretty upset.

Shortly after this, a kunai flew into Shikamaru's room. He dodged it, but he noticed a note attached through the hole. It read,

Party at Ino's! My dad is away, and I'd like you to come to a party! Food and refreshments are available if you're interested. If you're coming, come. If not, don't. See you there!

Ino.

"I'm all for this," Shikamaru thought. A party! Normally he didn't get up until about 3:00, but the party was at 8:00. Shikamaru wasn't worried. "Let's hope Naruto brings good beer. Ino has that crappy 'Miller Lite' shit."

As Shikamaru was walking to the party later that night, he saw a bald Choji. He burst out laughing, and Choji was about to punch him in the gut when Sasuke showed up.

"Hey guys, going to the party?" Sasuke asked.

"No shit!" said Choji. "There's free food!"

Predictable, thought Shikamaru.

"Who else is going?" asked Shikamaru.

Sasuke said, "As far as I know, everyone we know. Anko, Kabuto, Sakura, Kiba, and the rest of the bunch."

"Sweet. Do you know if Naruto's bringing anything?" Choji asked.

"Yeah," Sasuke replied. "He's got top of the line vodka and beer coming our way."

"Awesome," Shikamaru said.

As the group approached Ino's place, they saw just how packed the house was going to be. Oh well, it was a big house anyways.

Ino welcomed all of them when they got in the door, and all of them stepped into the grand room. The first thing they saw was Neji and TenTen making out. So were Temari and Naruto. They were probably already drunk.

"This is going to be a great party," Shikamaru smirked.


	2. BS and Pot

Shikamaru looked around. There was a lot going on. Choji was at the buffet table (duh), Neji and TenTen were making out on the couch (They had been dating for a couple years now.), Temari had apparently gotten Naruto drunk and was making out with him, Ino was still greeting guests, Orochimaru and Asuma were having a smoke outside, and Anko, Kiba, Gaara, Ibiki, and Sasuke were playing BS with vodka.

As Shikamaru watched the BS match, it seemed as if it was just heating up. Kabuto looked like he was playing, but he fainted already. His stomach will not hold alcohol. Ibiki quit to go find Might Guy. He was probably tending to Lee. After losing so many times, Sasuke squeezed Gaara's ass, only for Gaara to giggle and say, "Not now, honey!" Anko would have punched Sasuke out.

In the end, Anko and Gaara were left. The stakes got so high that both of them fainted. Sasuke, who was back in consciousness, woke up Kabuto.

"Hey Kabuto, did you bring the goods?" he whispered.

"No, that was Hinata's job," he moaned as he woke up. He fell back asleep. Where was Hinata?

No time for that, because Lee just pranced in the door.

"Hi everyone, I was just going around the village complimenting people when I randomly ran in here! Isn't the world just fantaaaastiiiic?

Hinata walked in.

"Hi guys. I brought the goods! What's wrong with Lee? He looks fucking retarded! Where are his pupils?"

Hinata was right. Lee's eyes had no pupils. Lee then went on to take off his clothes, lie on the ground, bend over, and suck on his ass.

Hinata giggled. "He must have gotten into my ecstasy. He probably thought it was steroids. Marijuana, anyone?"

Kabuto woke up instantly and started dog begging on Hinata. Then he saw Lee.

"What's up with Lee?"

Neji stopped kissing TenTen for a second. "Ecstasy," he said. Neji resumed kissing.

"Oh…"

After Hinata finished handing out the Marijuana in her bag, everyone except the kissing couples, Shikamaru, and Ino were outside laughing with Orochimaru as he broke empty wine bottles in the streets.

Shikamaru sighed. "I'm not into that kind of thing."

"Me neither," Ino laughed.

Instead, Shikamaru got some rocks from outside and brought them in.

"Want to throw these at Naruto and Temari?" he whispered.

"Sure!" Ino agreed.

Naruto and Temari didn't even notice. That was the best part.

Shikamaru noticed after a while that Lee went outside naked.

"Don't you want to do something about that?" Shikamaru worried.

"Calm down, this happens at every party he comes to. He always ends up naked outside," Ino explained.

"Too true," Shikamaru sighed. He continued to throw rocks at Temari and Naruto until he noticed that Ino was staring at him. _Staring at __**him.**_

New edited chapter. First version was terrible. If you could review that would be nice, but no flames. I guarantee the chapters after this will be longer. If there's a sequel, those will be longer, too. Bye!


	3. Sinkers and Shippers

Everyone was having a good time. Yes they were. Most of the people were outside smoking pot and breaking wine bottles in the street. Orochimaru was taken to a jail of some sort when the Hokage walked by. Orochimaru smashed a wine bottle on Sarutobi's head, giving the old Hokage severe head trauma. In all of this, Sakura or Guy haven't been seen all night. Where are they?

When the originally kissing couples went outside, the group out there decided it was time to go in.

Temari then got a great idea. "Hey, who wants to play 'Sinkers and Shippers'?"

She struck gold. Everyone gathered in the grand room to play. Even Choji came in. "How do you play?" he asked.

Ino explained the rules.

"Here's how it works: one person goes first. We'll have to figure that out. Another person is the poor soul who has to live with them. Anyways, the first person asks 'Sinkers or Shippers' to the second person. If they say Sinkers, they take a shot of vodka and leave. If they say Shippers, they have to have a partner chosen for them and do something where every one of us can see. If they fail, they take a shot of vodka and leave. Of course, you can always take a shot of vodka and leave, as well. Is everyone ready?"

"Who's the host?" asked a still naked Lee.

"Put your clothes on," sighed Shikamaru. "You're going to have issues playing if you don't. Oh, and Ino's the host, she's hosting the party."

Lee stuck his tongue out at Shikamaru and stayed put.

"Okay," Ino thought aloud. "I pick Sasuke. Sinkers or Shippers?"

Before Sasuke could answer, a series of loud thumps came from the stairs. When the thumps reached the bottom, an unconscious Sakura was the cause of it. Someone else was coming down the stairs: Guy.

"Hey everyone! Oh man, do I love a good rape! Especially when the subject is drunk enough to be willing!"

Sakura? She… EEEEWWW!!!!!!!

Sasuke tried to get off the subject by saying, "Shippers."

Ino said, "Alright Gaara, you and Sasuke have to……… have man sex right on the rug."

Gaara and Sasuke, to everyone's surprise, giggled and blushed. "Okay," they both agreed.

Instead of going into detail about this, I think I should explain everyone's reactions.

Choji: Quickly took a shot of vodka and ran for his comfort food.

Ino, Temari, Naruto, Neji, TenTen, and everyone: They all cringed.

Sakura: She's still unconscious.

Guy: He licked his lips. What a freak!

Sasuke and Gaara: Moaning with pleasure for every moment. They must have been really, _really, __**really, **__**really, REALLY**_ drunk.

"I think we're both satisfied. We're done now," Sasuke said as they took their shot of vodka each and left for another smoke.

Ino and Shikamaru left, too. That image should've made everyone leave. It was in their minds forever.

Guy yelled, "Ino, you might want to wash the guest room's bed sheets!"

Ino sighed and then cringed in more disgust. She went upstairs to go do that.

"Can I help?" Shikamaru asked.

"Why not, if it gets you away from that _hideous_ monster," she agreed sarcastically.

_This was a good party, but something was missing_, Shikamaru though to himself. _Something big_.

He started thinking about the kissing couples from earlier. He was missing something, alright. He needed a girlfriend.

_Ino was staring at him again._


	4. Lee and Cleaning

Ino and Shikamaru were upstairs, away from the party. After seeing Gaara and Sasuke having sex, they wanted out. I would've.

Anyways, Ino was cleaning the guest bedroom with Shikamaru because Guy happened to rape Sakura in there. Eeeeew. Shikamaru broke the silence.

"When's your dad coming back?" he asked.

"He isn't," Ino replied.

"WHAT?"

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. My dad said this house was too fancy and big and whatever, so he got a house on the edge of the village to 'settle down'. This is my house now."

"Hang on," Shikamaru stalled. "WHAT?!"

"I know. Why would my dad want to 'settle down'?" Ino thought aloud as she took the sticky sheets to the laundry basket.

"Still it must be nice to live in this giant house," Shikamaru pointed out. "You live a pretty good life." They were walking to the master bedroom to just talk now.

"GOOD?" Ino exploded. "I LIVE BY MYSELF, MY ONCE TRUE LOVE Is NOW A GAY BASTARD, NEJI HAS BEEN WITH TENTEN FOR 3 YEARS, AND MY DAD HAS **LEFT ME HERE!** I'M BACKED IN A DAMN CORNER, SHIKAMARU, AND THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY OUT!"

"Ino…" Shikamaru panicked to calm her down.

"SHUT THE HELL UP SHIKAMARU, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR 'TROUBLESOME' SHIT!"

She was _mad._

Meanwhile… 

Hinata was interrogating Lee. He deserved it. "Just how did you come across those 'steroids', Lee?"

Lee began in a whimsical voice. "Well, I was raiding your house to find your bras, Tampax Pearl, and menstrual relief pills when I saw that bag of yours. I had an injector thingy and a bottle of a liquid/powder kind of substance, so I was like, 'Oh boy! Steroids!' Aaaaand… Here I am!"

"Since when do you need menstrual relief?" asked Kankuro.

"Nevermind," Hinata said. "Just take the rest of this bag."

"May I, Guy Sensei?" Lee asked eagerly.

Guy popped out of nowhere. "YES, Lee, and just remember that as long as you drink enough vodka, use enough steroids, and have sex with enough women, you will truly be a splendid ninja!"

Lee started crying with joy. "Thank you Guy Sensei!"

"Now if you'll excuse me," Guy started. "Lady Tsunade is awaiting my handsomely perfect naked body."

Author's Note: GUY IS A VERY, VERY CREEPY MAN. : -O Meanwhile again… 

"Shikamaru, I'm just a little messed up in my life right now. I'm so sorry I snapped at you!" Ino cried.

"Ino, It's okay. I've been thinking about Neji. He's with TenTen. How? He's had such a bad porn problem that he's had to go through rehab a few times. He drinks way too much. How does TenTen fall for that kind of person?" Shikamaru was thinking aloud, but Ino was listening intently. "Sakura still has no idea that Lee has 14 other wives with at least 7 kids each. Ever since she found out about Sasuke's problem, she's been blissfully unaware of Lee's sexual life. Even if they're married or whatever, Lee still thinks she's just another stepping stone to becoming a splendid ninja."

"Lee's not right in the head though," Ino answered.

"That as SO true," Shikamaru replied with sarcasm. "I've been wondering if he is even any good at sex. Those probably aren't even his children."

"Probably not," Ino laughed.

"Who do you think you'll chase after next, boyfriend-wise?" Shikamaru said. He suddenly wished he didn't. It just came out.

"I don't know," Ino answered calmly. "Naruto's not my type, Neji's with TenTen, nobody listens to Kabuto, Lee has a few wives already, and Choji is already dating the buffet table. I need to find a smart, handsome, funny guy who…"

Shikamaru was staring at her. Not creepy-like, just a blank stare. Ino took notice.

"God, what am I THINKING? I was chasing SASUKE?" Ino was talking to herself.

"What? Who is- Oh!" Shikamaru realized. "Are you sure? I don't think I'm ready for that."

"Sure you are!" Ino told him. "Don't think I haven't notice you staring at me on missions and whatnot! You love me and you know it!"

"I guess you're right. Are you sure you're up for that kind of thing?" Shikamaru asked to be sure.

"Ready if you are," Ino finished simply.

Something more was about to come. Come very fast.

Okay. Not my best work. If you think the end was rushed, you're right. It was. That's because it wasn't the end. There will be a sequel, and another sequel.

A few notes:

The sequel will be in the same story. The Next title will be "Something More, Something Less". In other words, I'm changing the title and continuing.

I'm going to change the rating from T to M. Content reasons.

There may be pairings you don't like in here, but don't flame me for it.

The 2nd Genre will be changed from Angst to Humor. Again, this is a content thing.

Thank you to anyone who reviews in the future, and anyone who has reviewed. Bye!


	5. At Dawn

Something Less By Icy Bassoon 

He kept his eyes closed, but Shikamaru was waking up.

He could tell by the lighting that it was around dawn. When Shikamaru Nara woke around dawn, nothing good was about to come.

Blurring and focusing color rushed into view as he opened his eyes. He suddenly realized that he was not at home. He was at Ino's. Why the hell was he at Ino's?

He was at some sort of party last night… _The party!_ That's right! He was at the party! That party was awesome! Then… Where was _he?_ More importantly, did Ino know he was still here?

He turned to face the window side of the room. Only, he didn't see the window.

_He was in bed with a naked Ino._

_He was naked._

Did he… it was so hard to remember if he… when… He was really confused.

_Did he have sex with Ino?_

Shikamaru was fighting a massive headache. He was confused, freaked out, and now trying to get out of the bed without waking Ino.

After at least 30 minutes, he succeeded in getting some clothes on and leaving the bed.

Shikamaru ran out of the room and down the stairs to find himself in the grand room. It was strewn with broken bottles and stubs of Marijuana leaf. That must've been some party. Why couldn't he remember anything?

Shikamaru rushed out of the house. He got as far away from that house, that bed, as possible.

What would passerby think if they walked in: _That boy is running through the village at dawn? What's with that?_


	6. At Dawn Again

Ino woke up. She was really tired and had a huge headache. What happened last night?

Finally, she noticed she was naked. She let out a muffled scream through her hands.

Her party ended last night. What happened at the end? She didn't say good-bye to everyone. She remembered that she and Shikamaru were upstairs, and then… nothing. Why couldn't she remember?

She got dressed as she thought hard about last night. Shikamaru and her were upstairs… They were talking about something… What was it? Guy and Sakura were upstairs before that… Did Guy… He couldn't have… This was confusing. Shikamaru left with the rest of the guests, right? Did he stay overnight? She had a guest bedroom. Guy and Sakura were in the guest bedroom for a while… Did Shikamaru sleep there? Probably not.

She then realized she was in the master bedroom. Her bedroom was free. Shikamaru could've slept in there. Ino doubted that he would sleep in a girl's room. Where was he?

_Where was Shikamaru? Where was that pineapple-headed guy?_


	7. Crying

Shikamaru kept running. He ran as far away from Ino as possible.

Shikamaru stopped after, like, an hour, by which time he was in the forest. He decided to sit down and figure out exactly what happened.

"Here are the facts," he said to himself. "I was at a party last night. There was pot, vodka wine, and so on. Guy and Sakura were upstairs for the majority of the night, probably in the guest bedroom. I know that me and Ino went upstairs, and then… I woke up in the master bedroom. Ino and myself were naked." What was going on? Did he… He couldn't have… Unless… How much vodka did he have last night?

This was very hard to deal with. All the evidence points to… But he would never have done that……… Would he?

Shikamaru, for the first time in years, was scared enough to cry.

He cried for hours.

……………………………………

After a few hours, Ino's headache was gone. Now she could think clearly.

"Here's what I know," she thought aloud. "I threw a party last night. There was pot, vodka wine, and so on. Guy was up in the guest bedroom with Sakura. He said something about a rape. Eeeeew. I went upstairs to go clean up their mess, and Shikamaru came with me. We went to the master bedroom after that, and then… OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" Ino came to a sudden realization.

_She and Shikamaru had sex._

Was it true? '_No,_' Ino told herself. '_No way,_ _that could never happen. Shikamaru? He would never._'

Did she? She would have to have been really drunk to not remember anything. Was she _that _drunk? Ino never took on to intense drinking, but it was a party. She always got carried away at a party.

Ino, for the first time in years, was crying. Not from sadness, but fear.

She cried for hours.


	8. Emotional Support

TenTen had another drink. That was her 8th one, and she was starting to see spots. She didn't care much. All the better when in bed, she always thought.

Ino ran into the empty bar, panting and having a physical and emotional breakdown. Then she saw TenTen. "Darts, TenTen?" she asked, exhausted.

…………………………

Choji had another set of ribs. This was his 9th set, and the chef was mad at him, but he didn't care. The fatter, the better, he always thought.

Shikamaru, wheezing and tired, ran into the restaurant. Then he saw Choji. "Choji, do you want to go cloud watching?" he asked, out of breath.

………………………….

"I don't believe it, TenTen, how did you get a bull's-eye? You look more drunk than Jariya!"

"I have perfect aim when sober, I should have perfect aim when I'm drunk," TenTen said, straining to stay on her feet. "Aim is good for more than just darts you know. You wanted to talk to me about something, Ino?"

……………………………

"Yeah, Choji, I did want to talk. You remember the party, right?" Shikamaru asked.

"Duh! Free food!" Choji yelled.

"I went upstairs with Ino, and I…"

……………………………

"…Think I had sex with Shikamaru by accident."

"How does that happen on accident?" TenTen wondered.

"I was drunk, but I can't remember what actually happened. Plus, I was naked," Ino explained.

……………………………

"What do I do?" Shikamaru asked Choji.

"Why Are you asking me? It's not like I had sex with Ino. What's the big deal, anyways? Ino's hot! She's perfect for you! Have you _seen _her gynourmous boobs?"

"Choji, be serious," Shikamaru pleaded.

……………………………

"I am, Ino," TenTen stammered as she threw another bull's-eye. "He's the right guy, you know? He actually treats you like you exists, unlike emo, gay Sasuke."

"But Shikamaru might be out there, wondering where I am, when I don't think our relationship, if there is one, should be taken to that level so fast! TenTen, what do I do?"

"Do it again," TenTen said simply.

……………………………

"Again? Are you nuts, Choji? Do you know how it feels to have that burden on my shoulders? For all I know, Ino could be pregnant or something, and it's all my fault!"

"I don't see how it's all that different from my love of food, Shikamaru. You love Ino, right?"

……………………………

"Yeah, but I…"

"No excuses, Ino, you've had that sort of invisible bond to Shikamaru the day you two met. Even you've been telling yourself you like Sasuke, it's not true!"

"I know I love him, but this is going too fast!" Ino cried.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?!" TenTen yelled.

……………………………

"Because it's my problem, Choji, not yours!" Shikamaru raged.

"Fine, you can handle this yourself then," Choji finished. He left.

"There goes my emotional support," Shikamaru sighed.

……………………………

TenTen left for another table and ordered another drink.

"There goes my emotional support," Ino sighed.

Thoughts were racing through her head. She remembered TenTen's 'advice'.

_Do it again._

Maybe She should talk to Shikamaru about this… Nah.

……………………………

Shikamaru remembered Choji's words.

_Do it again._

Maybe he should talk to Ino… Nah.

Shikamaru started to walk. Nowhere in particular; he was just walking.

……………………………

Ino left the bar, looking back at the dartboard with six bull's-eyes in it. She walked away, but nowhere in particular. She just walked on ahead.

She ended up at the Hokage Rock Faces. She stared up at the great ninjas. When she looked back behind her, she was shocked.

_Shikamaru was stopped and stared up at the Hokage Rock Faces._

_When he looked down, he saw Ino and went into a state of bewilderment. Utter Shock._

_There she was._

There he was.

If you don't mind, please review. It feels wierd to write a story and nobody reviews, you know. I might stop writing if you don't!


	9. Something Less

FLASHBACK 

Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji were sitting on a balcony talking to their new sensei. He was welcoming them to the squad.

"Alright, and what about you, Shikamaru?" He asked.

"Do I have to? _Troublesome,_" he sighed. "My name is Shikamaru Nara. I like stuff, I do stuff, and don't like some stuff."

"…All right, then," Asuma finished awkwardly. "And how about you, Ino?"

"Well," Ino began. "I'm Ino Yamanaka, I like Sasuke, hate Sakura, and like to play those old-fashioned games like shogi or go."

Asuma took a long drag on his cigarette. "Okay, now that we know about each other, we can start missions. We will start with 'D' missions, and then you can work your way up to 'C' missions and so on until you can do Jounin 'A' missions. That's a long way off, though. You guys are dismissed for the day, okay?"

Each of the new genin nodded and walked into the house to get off the balcony. Shikamaru began talking with Ino.

"Do you want to play Shogi? I bet you can't beat me," he challenged.

"Bring it on then!" Ino accepted.

END FLASSHABCK 

Ino and Shikamaru stared at each other for a long time. They both started to talk.

"Look, I'm really sorry," they both said. "I was stupid. …Wait, you too?"

"I woke up and was like, 'Oh no, this can't be happening!' so I left to make you think nothing happened," Shikamaru explained.

Ino went on. "When I woke up, I was like, 'Oh my god, I'm naked!' so I put the pieces together and then was like, 'OH NO!' and I just wanted to figure out why it happened."

"Choji wasn't much help to me, though. He told me to do it again," Shikamaru told Ino.

"TenTen did, too, but she was drunk. Did you know that she has perfect aim after 8 shots of vodka?"

"Yeah, I did. Neji says she's excellent, and that she's 2 months pregnant."

"I just, don't want to go there, Shikamaru, not yet."

"We just need to tone down?"

"Yeah, something less is exactly what we need," Ino laughed.

…………………………………

All right, #2 is done! It felt awesome to finish, too.

The next title will be "Something More, Something Less, Something Perfect."

There will be an epilogue and a post-louge.

Thank you, and review so I feel motivated to finish the story!


	10. Shikamaru's Back!

Something Perfect 

By Icy Bassoon

Ino sighed as she flipped another page of her book. Shikamaru had been gone for 3 months now on some important mission with his Chuunin squad. She had been free to do whatever she wanted for 12 weeks, and she enjoyed that for the first few days.

Then she got bored. She looked to TenTen for support, but realized that the last time she needed help, TenTen was too drunk to care. Also, TenTen was 2 months pregnant, so she was busy with that, too.

Ino also noticed that Asuma wasn't doing so good. He visited the hospital a lot more that usual, and was smoking a little too much, even for him. Ino knew something was wrong.

So Ino took to sitting alone and reading this book, a long self-help guide called _2002 Tips for In Bed._ It was a terrible book with really bad tips, but it passed the time. When was Shikamaru coming back?

Speak of the devil.

"Hey Ino! I'm back! That was the _worst_ mission I have ever gone on. I have those images in my mind permanently. Our med Nin needs to smarten up. He had to drink his own… Eeew. Anyways, what's new?"

"Not much," Ino shrugged. "Only a few things. For starters, TenTen is-

"Pregnant, I know. I saw her on my way here. Actually, to be honest, it looks like Minnie Mouse was on a cruise ship and made too many trips to the buffet table."

"Yeah it does, doesn't it?" Ino laughed. "Also, Asuma is starting to smoke a lot more, so I think he's stressed out about something. Last, um, Lee is throwing a party for his 20th child. Like you said at the last party, those probably aren't his children. He's going to start numbering them if he's not careful. Child 1 through 20, you know?"

They both were laughing their heads off. Not only was it funny, but it would probably happen, too.

When they stopped laughing, Shikamaru suggested, "Why don't we go to the ramen shop? I'm starving!"

"That sounds great, Shikamaru. Let me get my money. It's on me this time!"

"Awesome!"

Ino was going to cry, but just smiled to herself. "Welcome home, Shikamaru, welcome home," she whispered to herself.


	11. The Ichikaru Lemon Tree

Before I start, let me apologize for having major writer's block and being just plain lazy. This next chapter, I hope will be longer than most, and if you are anywhere near as perverted as Glen Quagmire from Family Guy, will have the lemons you have been waiting for… sort of.

--

"Ino, that's not fair! You can't get a head start on me when we arm wrestle, that's cheating!"

"Shikamaru, you just need to be ready, you lazy bum."

"Shut up, Ino," Shikamaru snapped. "Just eat your ramen. It just got here."

"How come I get ramen and you get a three course meal?" Ino demanded.

"You didn't ask for a three course meal! I wasn't going to stop you! Besides, I haven't eaten in four days!" Shikamaru was scarfing down an extra-large steak in an almost Choji-like way. He was obviously _REALLY… __**REALLY**_ hungry.

Ino turned around at the sound of footsteps to see Sasuke and Naruto walking toward the ramen shop.

"Well look who it is. It's the forbidden shipping," sassed Ino. "Naruto and Sasuke, together at last!"

"Shut the hell up, Ino, we were just walking when we randomly met and wanted to go get some ramen. It's a complete coincidence, okay?" Sasuke was obviously hiding something. He had been silent and blushing while Naruto tried to weasel out of this awkward situation.

Shikamaru started on his second course, complete with a complimentary bottle of ridiculously strong wine.

_-A few drinks later…_-

Sasuke and Naruto stayed to chat, but Shikamaru and Ino were still at the bar because Shikamaru ordered dessert. Again, this was done in an almost Choji-like fashion. Sasuke and Naruto started arguing, making no attempt to keep it private. Ino and Shikamaru couldn't help but listen in.

"Wow, Naruto," Sasuke whispered romantically. "You make for a great kisser. Almost as good as Gaara."

"Thank you, Sa- Wait, Gaara? Are you seeing other people?"

"What, is that a problem, Naruto?" Sasuke was confused.

"Yeah, Sasuke, I like to be individually seen! I don't want you running off with other people and doing who-knows-what!"

"Naruto, you have no right to tell me who I can and cannot talk to!"

"No Sasuke, I don't, but I can tell you that you certainly can't have long-term relationships while with me!"

Shikamaru and Ino were shocked, staring into the open, wide-eyed and unfocused. Sasuke finally took notice.

"Maybe we should finish this discussion in _private_, because _some_ people may be listening in!" Sasuke and Naruto stormed into the back alley behind the ramen stand. Ino kind of knew where this was headed. Shikamaru and Ino could still listen, so they stayed at the bar.

"Spaz," Shikamaru mumbled out of the corner of his mouth to Ino. She nodded, and cued that they should listen.

"…Don't think it's too much to ask to be your boyfriend and no one else."

"Well then, I guess you don't want to be with this…"

"Oh my god, Sasuke, what a nice body! And the shaft… Amazingly real!"

"Have you changed your mind, Naruto?"

"In your deluded, crazy dreams, Sasuke-Chan. Come and get it."

"I told you to never call me that, you dirty…"

"Ohh! OOOOHHH! AAAAH! OOOAAAAHHH! OHH, that feels so… AAAAGHHH!"

Shikamaru's hand went involuntarily went for the steak knife on the table and he brought it to his neck. Ino fainted.

"OHH, Naruto, you crazy bastard, you make it so… OOOOOH, AAAAAH!!! AAAHHGGG!"

Something in Shikamaru's head told him that he just listened to… Uhhg. God, that was gross.

This moaning and insults continued for some time. When it stopped, Naruto and Sasuke were apparently going to come back to the ramen bar.

"Naruto, you are _very_ persuasive," Sasuke caressed.

"Sasuke, you made it so easy and comfortable. Let's go at it again sometime, huh?"

Shikamaru woke up Ino. She was dazed, and Shikamaru put on a panicked expression.

"INO! RUN!"

She and Shikamaru darted all the way back to the house, where Shikamaru commented, "Let's never eat at the ramen place again. Agreed?"

"No doubt," Ino stammered, catching her breath. "Never again."


	12. Me

TV: …Find out next time on BIG BROTHER 8!!!

Me: YES!! Jen is SO going home this week!

Shikamaru: Hey, uh, Ryan? Yeah, you should go write that new chapter. You know, since your fans have waited so long?

Me: I'll get to it, okay?

Shikamaru: Fine.

…

Me: Lalalalalaaa, taking a shower…

Ino: Have you written that chapter yet?

Me: AAAAAAAAGH!!!! GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!!! AND I WILL WRITE THE CHAPTER, OKAY?

…

Me: Ugh, I'm so bored. How come I have to come drop my brother off at college?

Choji: Hey! Maybe you should take out your dad's laptop and write that new chapter!

Me: Choji? This is too important. I'm sending my brother to college. Kinda' busy, here!

Choji: Okay, but don't procrastinate.

…

And so, you see why I haven't posted.

(Gives apology cracker and card to you.)

I hope you can forgive me.

Bye!

I will post after I get back from Chico. I really am taking my big brother to college. The whole family is actually.

Bye! For Real!


	13. Neji and TenTen

Hey everyone! I'm back!

A couple of things before I start. First, Chico was SCORCHING, and I hope I NEVER GO THERE AGAIN. Seriously.

Second, Jen went home! Hooray! Sadly, she went out in a less than desirable fashion. I kind of felt sorry for her. Dick is such a… well… a dick.

Last, I've been busy with some summer schoolwork for band class, so I've been pretty full, schedule-wise.

Enjoy the chapter, the first few parts in a line of mini-stories.

…………

NEJI

TenTen grabbed her purse as she rushed out of her house, leaving Neji alone.

"I'll be back late tonight, okay, Neji?"

"'K…" Neji grumbled.

Neji heard the door close. He waited a couple of seconds, and then quickly dove under the couch he was sitting on. He shuffled around under there for quite some time, and then popped out with a stack of magazines. He snickered, apparently not noticing.

He got himself comfortable, put his feet on the desk in front of him, and picked up the top magazine, titled _Konoha's Newest Models_.

He was apparently skipping all of the ads to look at the pictures. Every once in a while he would smile and lick his lips, and about every ten minutes or so he would pick up a new magazine. He had magazines such as _Konoha pornography_, _Gorgeous Girls_, and a fairly new issue of the _Victoria's Secret Bra Catalogue_.

This went on for a few hours. When the sky got dark through the window, Neji put all of his magazines in a pile, dove back under the couch for a while, and came back out, magazine-less.

He ran to his room upstairs, scuffled through his drawer, and pulled out some bathrobes. Neji changed fairly quickly, then ran down and sat on the couch.

Neji clicked his tongue a couple times. For a few seconds some ruffling was heard from outside. Eventually, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Neji said automatically.

The door opened to reveal a beautiful girl with sleek blonde hair and aqua blue eyes. Neji gave her a casual, warm hello and beckoned her to sit on the couch with him. She smiled, revealing her stunningly white teeth. She walked slowly over to the couch and joined Neji.

"You look fabulous," Neji complimented quietly.

"You too," the girl said in a smooth, romantic voice.

"Shall we go upstairs?" Neji invited. "I have some lovely champagne."

"Let's," the girl replied.

After a few glasses of fine champagne, Neji and the girl were having a romantic conversation.

"You know, I noticed how fine your body looks," Neji said.

"Thank you, I just had to get dressed up," the girl replied.

"Speaking of fine, are those natural?"

"These?"

"No," Neji said. "_These._"

He went for it. He squeezed her boob.

She looked stunned for a second, but quickly replied. "Of course, nothing but the best."

She bit his nipple.

Wait, what?

…………

This continued. As you can see, Neji has quite the affair going.

I'd rather not describe the next part, though. Let's move to TenTen's story, shall we?

…………

TENTEN

TenTen grabbed her purse as she rushed out of her house, leaving Neji alone.

"I'll be back late tonight, okay, Neji?"

"'K…" Neji grumbled.

TenTen closed the door and headed out. It was kind of cute how she saw Neji looking through magazines for a birthday present for her when she left. He was _such_ a considerate boyfriend!

TenTen and Ino planned a night on the downtown strip of Konoha that night, and TenTen was psyched for it.

All night, Ino and TenTen went wine tasting, shopping, and dined out. Each of them had a great time, laughing and having fun together.

As they said their goodbyes (around one in the morning), TenTen went through her front door, still laughing from the time Ino had wine squirting out of her nose.

TenTen's laughing quickly ceased, however, as she heard grunting and commotion upstairs. She ran up thinking Neji was bound and gagged or something. Boy, was she wrong.

She opened up Neji's bedroom door to find him and some blonde slut locked in embrace, fully naked, and having sex. Oh. My. God.

She fainted.

…………

You all have fun with that one now!

Review, and please don't bash on me. PLEASE!!!!

…………

HOORAY FOR JEN BREAKING ALL OF DICK'S CIGARETTES!

HORRAY FOR JEN GOING HOME!

HORRAY FOR PUDDING!


	14. Behind the Hood

Yeah… Um… Sorry?

This time, you get 2 more mini stories. If you've lost interest, these are good and long ones. Don't worry your pretty little heads off.

-

_**Ino**_

Ino was frantically walking around trying to find her purse. She had to be at TenTen's house in 2 minutes to have a night on the town, but she was paying for it. Why she didn't find an ATM or something was beyond her. Like, what was she thinking? When she and TenTen go out, her wallet ends up empty. She should have at least borrowed some money from Shikamaru. Wait… Shikamaru! She gave him her purse so she wouldn't forget to ask him for it! Wow, she was a klutz. She took it from his room and quickly ran downstairs to get out the door.

Ino turned on her 'automatic I'm leaving for a while message.' "Shikamaru! I'm going out, and I'll be back in a few hours, maybe around midnight. Is that okay with you?"

"Just don't drink too much, like last time," He answered sarcastically.

Ino ran out the door and slammed it behind her as she giggled at Shikamaru's remark. As she rushed down the road to get to TenTen's house, she almost ran into someone with a hooded sweatshirt over their face. They acted flustered and mumbled, "'Scuse me." Ino didn't think much of it, but kept running to get to her friend. After about another 4 minutes, she came up on TenTen's doorstep. She rang the doorbell and TenTen answered the door, looking absolutely gorgeous. They started joking around about how late Ino was and headed out the door.

Their night was absolutely fantastic. The girls went wine tasting, shopping for new clothes and accessories, and hung out at a strip bar filled with girls and a VERY drunk Sasuke. TenTen whispered something to Ino about Sasuke being gay, but Ino paid no mind. She was too busy thinking about that hooded person. TenTen thought she was zoning out on the stripper, so she tried to bring her back in.

"Ino! Ino! He's probably married!" TenTen yelped. Ino heard that snide comment and a sip of her fifty dollar wine glass she was drinking went up her nose and squirted out like a Nerf toy rocket. Ino and TenTen started to walk out of the bar, talking about Ino's tendency to check out other men besides her boyfriend. Weird, because Ino heard TenTen screaming when she dropped her off at her house. It was probably Neji again.

-

_**Hinata (First Person)**_

I opened the door to my house to go to the alley. I just needed my sweatshirt on so I could be unnoticed. I pulled the hood over my head and set off along the dirt path to behind Ichiraku. I bumped into Ino along the way; apparently in a hurry to meet her little boy toy Shikamaru. I said excuse me in a deep voice to avoid suspicion. After about a block or so I was there. I turned right into the alley behind the ramen shop, coming into view of two somewhat tall men, and they were very skinny.

"Well, it's about time you got here," one of them snapped.

"Can it, Yoroi. I bumped into someone along the way. Do you have it?"

"Well, what would happen if I said no?" the other asked.

"Misumi, don't push your luck."

Misumi smirked and tossed me a tiny bag filled with a white substance. "Don't throw a fit, pretty. I always come through for you."

I stared in relief at the bag. I quickly untwisted the top and emptied out some of its contents. Yoroi and Misumi watched as I inhaled the powder through my nose.

"Well, Hinata, it seems as if you haven't had a fix in a while," Yoroi remarked.

I wasn't paying attention. I was in my own place; I was experiencing the greatest sensation I have known. It was so real, so wonderful. I slumped down and leaned against the alley wall. My eyes went out of focus and I stopped thinking about everything. I was just there, experiencing heaven; a heaven where nothing mattered and you didn't have to feel. You were just there, living and living good.

"Hinata… Hinata? Hinata!! Are you awake?"

I gradually opened my eyes and found myself still in the alley. Misumi and Yoroi were still there, so I assumed it had only been about 40 minutes. They were both relieved that I was fine, and I almost thought they would start babying me. "Leave. I can handle myself, bastards."

"Okay, Princess, whatever you say," Yoroi sighed. "We'll save your life anytime."

The two dealers left the alley. Once I was sure they were gone, I started to cry. The world wasn't worth feeling anymore; Naruto left me, I was on cocaine to feel normal, and I lived alone and traveled anonymously. I took out my pocket knife and lifted my sleeve. Each cut felt so real; the world seemed so vivid and crisp. I continued to cry and slice. What was wrong with me?


	15. Lee 3 Times

Just one person, this time. It's the last one. I promise it.

**Rock Lee**

Lee: …So I guess we're good?

Man: …Yeah. Restraining order, 1000 yards; No contact with the victim for 10 years; No contact with the child in any way; and you will be monitored by satellite for 5 ½ years. Understood?

Lee: Yes, your honor.

Judge: Jessica P. Morgan, you're free to leave now.

Jessica: Thank you, your honor.

Jessica leaves with great pleasure of being away from Lee.

Judge: (Mutters) How you managed to marry this man, I'll never know.

--

Lee is sitting in his house, on his bed, just hanging out. He's in a deep daze, and has beer bottles and straws all over the place. Don't ask me about the straws. He's weird like that. He picks up the phone and dials a number. The rings are long, in his ears, and he looks like he's going to throw up. Someone answers.

Woman: 'Lo?

Lee: Hello?

Woman: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no… God, heaven, and mercy and shit, no… no, no, no… you stay away, you understand? YOU STAY AWAY.

Lee: wait, don't… don't han' up. I need to…

Woman: NO. YOU STAY AWAY!

Lee: Jessica! No! Please, I…

_Static_

Lee: _sigh…_(mutters) No good, dirty American slut, nothing but a shitbag; a f-

_Ring!_

He answers, pausing before he says hey.

Lee: M'Lo?

Choji: Hey. You okay? That court hearing messed you up, didn't it?

Lee: Yeah. I ran out. Can you fix that?

Choji: I don't see why not, but can't you steal TenTen's beer yourself? It's not that hard. She's never home, and Neji doesn't care what you take, as long as it's not his stuff.

Lee: Right. 'K. Bye.

--

Lee: What? You work for the F.B.I???

Naruto: Yeah, uh… don't say anything, 'k?

Lee: WHY DO YOU WORK FOR THE F.B.I????

Naruto: It's not really a big deal. See, the Department of Obscene Fangirl Utilization Society (DoOFUS) wanted to know if Sasuke was gay. I'm their undercover agent. I can't believe that he's that bad.

Lee: So you're NOT gay?

Naruto: No! It makes me SICK to have to be AROUND him, but I have to BE GAY with him? That's a nightmare! He sucks with his tools, if you know what I'm saying. Seriously!

Lee: Hang on… you're NOT GAY??

Lee got slapped. I'd say he deserved it.

-later-

Naruto: …And don't talk to me until you get that straight! I'm STRAIGHT!!!

Lee: Wow, I was going to… wow. Not cool, man. I need a drink.

--

Thanks for reading. I haven't written in forever. Bye!


End file.
